in the starting gate

2-21-09 'What am I doing out here?' I ask myself in disgust. In my head are ringing words that Teelo (a fellow team mate) spoke to me a few days ago. 'If you see someone go off the front,' he said to me, a rookie bicycle racer, 'let them go. If several guys go after the attack, jump on their wheel and go with them. If you get out in front by yourself you will burn up too much energy.' So here I am, out here by myself, burning energy. Dumb. I saw a rider from a rival team attack the group and didn't want him to get away. Lack of self control. I let off the gas and let the group absorb me.

Fifteen minutes later the pace has increased. We are moving pretty good now. The 45 guys in our race have shaken the cold from their bones and are focusing on this final kilometer of racing. I am surprised and excited to find myself positioned in the top 10 or 15. My goal for this race is to place top 10. To be here, positioned where I am, looking at the '1km to go' sign gets my adrenaline pumping. Guys start jockeying for position. We are moving so fast now. My brain is fully engaged, having to watch the other riders around me. I cannot even look down to see how fast we are moving. Out of my periphery, I see three riders on the left of the group go off the front, sprinting toward the finish. Next thing I know, I am going off the front from the right side of the group, chasing after the three who are now about 10m in front of me. We are at around 100m from the finish .

The finish and the start are the same line. Nearly an hour before, I was positioned for the start at that very line, ready for the start of my first race. I don't know if I have ever been this cold. It is early, early in the morning in February and, in spite of all the gear I am wearing and the miles of riding I put in to warm up my body, I am shaking. I look around at the other guys and notice the guy in front of me is shaking worse than I.

It is said that race horses in the starting gate before gun goes off tremble with the expectation of the impending competition. Racing, competing, is something bred into them. It is a trait of character bestowed by their creator with intent that His design, cultivated by discipline, will bring about some unique fruit that brings some goodness in the world and a special communion between the creator and the created.

50m from the finish I hear the wheels of a rider coming up on my left. I have nothing left to prevent him from beating me to the line (thanks to my uninspired time a the front a few minutes ago). I cross the line in 6th, pleased with my finish, having been affirmed in my belief that my creator has placed in me that thing I am to develop that will bring goodness to the world and myself. It is a good start.