The meaning of it all

Ever been around someone who takes something way too seriously? Of course you have and, if you are honest, you tend to head down that road on occasion yourself. I have a nose for people like this, probably because I live on that street myself. It is always an interesting moment when I catch myself there. It is kind of a mixture of embarrassment and self-loathing, like when you were in high school and your friends caught you in a lie. Man, it is awkward.

Last week I was on a ride with about 50 people, most of whom I do not know. It was a leisurely ride down one of Charlotte's busiest corridors at rush hour. There were several people who clearly took themselves way too seriously. One guy started getting on my case because I was riding too hard. That is always funny to me; funny, at least, in a way that ticked me off. I responded by trying my best to point out that I was a stronger rider (as if that is something of great significance). The whole ride builds to one grand moment when the whole field sprints for the same line, the NC/SC state line. The first person to cross that line is able to wear the mantle of being the bad boy of the day on that ride. My team worked hard to get me across that line first and I blew it. I felt horrible about myself afterward. I had the emotion of a kid caught in his lies. For what it is worth, I still beat the mouthy guy.

Such a strong reaction over something as insignificant as a bike ride prompts the question, "What is wrong with this picture?" I like to read a lot and something I read last week poses a painfully clear answer to this question. In the book, the author states "'Performance' - in art or sports, for example - creates the illusion of meaning for a magical moment, if the performance is successful." This is why it is so appealing. When people have a void of significant meaning in their life, they try to create it by performing. The cruelty of this reality is no matter how often or successful a performer you happen to be, any meaning created by your success fades before you are able to extract satisfaction from it. It is like eating a side salad when you are ravenously hungry; it tastes good but serves only as an appetiser until the real food arrives.

So there I was, clad in spandex, pedaling away, chasing after meaning to fill my life but finding that I ended up with not even a side salad instead. I get cranky when I'm hungry. It is funny what we consume to fill our belly.